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Harry Potter - Long Live The Car Crash Hearts

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Jul. 4th, 2007 | 08:06 pm
location: My Room
mood: sadsad
music: Thriller - Fall Out Boy
posted by: nograviity in toigniteasoul

Title: Long Live The Car Crash Hearts
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: 047. Thriller - Fall Out Boy
Characters/Pairings: OC-James C. Potter, OC- Kylie Paddock, one sided James C/ Kylie
Genre: General, Angst
Rating: PG
Word Count: 847
Summary: Another sleepless night, another broken heart.
A/N: A REALLY long time ago, before Order of the Phoenix was out me and my friend used to roleplay Harry Potter and we came up with a couple characters to play around with, and they were the next generation. Not until after Ootp did we start getting serious about it and making backgrounds for them and even writing fanfics about them. And we were going to write this whole epic story about them but we never finished due to school and work. I still have scraps of all my work though so I was rereading it and I felt like writting a little piece for it. So let me catch you up to speed. Kylie is a distant niece of Remus, a bastard child who never knew her father, her mother was killed when she was 2. So she landed in Remus care because by now laws have been changed around and as long as she's not in the same house when he transforms he can be her guardian. Which means ever since she was 2 Kylie would spend a couple days a month at the Potters. Harry married Ginny and they had 3 children, the middle child was named after Harry's father and has carried on the 'you look so much like your father omg' gene. So basically James Charlie Potter and Kylie have know each other since they were 2 and grew up together. And he's had a huge crush on her since they were 11 but doesn't have the guts to make a move. And when he finally did at 15 she turned him down because she didn't want to ruin the only stable thing in her life, but she didn't tell him her reasons so he doesn't know she has feelings for him too. Are you following all this? There are more characters like Tonk's son named after her favorite cousin, but they're not appearing in this piece so no need to get into that.

So basically AU after Ootp. I included some bits from HBP but I didn't want to rearrange everything just because Dumbledore is dead and Snape ran off and theres new characters and Draco is on the run too and just ugh, too much work. Other than H/G and R/T just imagine HBP never happened really.

i can take your problems away
with a nod and a wave of my hand
cause that's just the kind of boy that i am

It is probably about 2 am I imagine, and here I am, in the family den, the only one still up, sitting in front of the cheery fire, the only source of light in the dank night. I kind of became an insomniac really; this whole year at Hogwarts was a real wake up call. All those reports of Death Eater attacks, they hadn't disbanded when their leader was killed in the second war, oh no that only brought them closer together as they searched to revive their master. I just never thought I would experience any of it. I know my father is 'The Boy Who Lived' or whatever and I am considered prime target, I guess I really trusted that either Dumbledore or my dad would always be there to keep any type of harm away. After being held under the Crutacious curse several times I've seemed to develop insomnia.

Ever since that Christmas I haven’t found the ability to sleep easily. I have to deplete every last reserve of energy before my body just shuts down out of self-defense, and I consider that unconscious not sleeping. So I haven't slept in 6 months. I never told anyone either. I know, I know, someone could probably give me some kind of potion or spell that could fix everything, but I think it’s more of a comfort then anything else. I couldn't imagine going back to my normal sleep cycle and feeling as comfortable as I do now. Maybe, deep down I'm absolutely terrified, scared out of my bloody wits, and that’s why I can't sleep. And until I face it I wont be sleeping anytime soon. But I've never been one to do things the easy way, stubborn Gryffindor pride or whatever you want to call it.

Case in point, the curtain of red hair leaning against my chest. I wrap my arms around her tighter, reassuringly. Not reassuring her, oh no, she's dead asleep she probably can't tell the difference, probably doesn't even realize the interesting position she fell asleep in. Reassuring myself, letting myself know she's still there and not going anywhere. Maybe I can't sleep because I worry about her. They targeted her because of me, they hurt her because of me, and I'd rather die then see it happen again. Maybe the reason I'm so terrified is because I'm scared something will happen to her, not me. I'd take all the crutacious curses in the world to protect her.

Why she didn't blame me one bit was beyond me, why she wasn't distancing herself confused the hell out of me. We once talked about, I asked her why she didn't hate me, why didn't she get away while she still could, I didn't want her to get hurt again, I didn't want to watch some Death Eater torture her because of my surname. She waited for me to finish ranting before quietly informing me that I was her 'Wonderwall', whatever the hell that meant. She explained that I was the only one that made all her troubles vanish and made her happy and safe.

If I could take all her problems away with a wave of my hand, I would do it every single god damn day. I never wanted anything bad to happen to her again. I wanted her to be absolutely happy in all areas of her life. Even if that meant I wouldn't be the man she went home to every night, and crawled into bed with. It tore my heart in two thinking she would end up with some wonderful man other than me, that they would get married in a beautiful ceremony that I would be required to attend and watch every pain staking moment of it, and then she would ask me to watch her beautiful children while they went out. Oh god, now I'm crying, how the hell did that happen? I haven't cried since that night, and I shouldn't have been even then, in front of bloody death eaters no less. God I'm such a wimp. I just hate myself.

I looked down when I felt someone gripping my arms and met Kylie's concerned eyes. God not now. She reached up to touch my cheek but I jerked away and untangled ourselves.

"James..." She sounded so unsure and concerned, but all it did was fuel the anger I felt at myself. Guys don't cry, it's an unwritten rule.

"I'm going to bed" I said bitterly and left her down there. Shutting my bedroom door behind me, feeling worse then ever. It wasn't so much the empty ache in my chest that made breathing difficult, but the knowledge that I took my anger for myself out on her because she had caught me doing something so open and emotional, something I wasn't suppose to be doing, and instead of ignoring it like I hoped, she tried to help. I gripped the left side of my chest angrily and willed my heart to stop aching. Another sleepless night with just my broken heart and me.

:( I was trying to incorporate how I would often act, feel, and think when my heart had been torn in two, and how the only boy I've seen cry who was over 10 years old acted when he was caught crying. Horrible thing really, wanting to help, but being lashed out at for catching them in such a state. I felt so bad I just wanted to make things better for him, I never see him acting anything but happy and I walked in on him crying.
The whole piece might be a little confusing because it refers to an event that happened already in the storyline, but obviously no one but my friend and I have read it, lol.

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